Civility is a hot topic these days- if you can shout loud enough to be heard. It’s also getting attention in the corporate media. The NYT’s latest salute to insolence involves the public use of cellphones and other non-human substitutes for face-to-face interaction. Syndicated columnist Kathleen Parker also takes on America the Audacious as an epidemic instead of what it really is: America being America. We’ve always been brash, bragging and brusk. It’s how we became great. It’s also why the rest of the world thinks we’re jerks. Because we are.
I admit I’m rude. I offend someone just about every day. And she’s pretty sick of it. Unlike most offensive or socially-inappropriate people, I can’t even blame my parents. They were civil, friendly people- at least, I think they were. I was just a kid. I never saw them at a party, a ball game, or the office. Somehow, when I got older I started talking loudly, instigating arguments, insulting friends and strangers alike, interrupting and apologizing for it only to do it again and again. I blame my siblings. But certainly one factor was more influential than any other in the evolution of my brutish behavior: I was a news reporter.
I know some reporters who were not rude and still successful. But there aren’t many. Then, after years of cultivating and refining my rudeness in the corridors of power and corruption, I used my rudeness to take my career to a new, greater level. I became a newsroom boss. One great thing about being boss is you can be rude with impunity. What you say goes. If someone wants to debate you, tough. You’re the boss. Na, na, na, na, na.
There are many well-meaning souls trying to stop what they perceive as a wave of rudeness (how rude!). The Civility Project sounds like one of those government programs that America’s rudest people- right-wing Fox News viewers- would invade a town meeting to shout down. But I’m sure the Civility Project means well. I mean well too. I just don’t have the patience to get results from myself or others by forming a committee, developing a list of criteria, creating a website, holding a news conference and photo op. Which brings me to my excuse for being rude and perhaps the root cause of America’s crisis of civility:
TIME.
Rudeness can be summed up as simply the fastest way to get what you want. People butt in line because they’re in a hurry. They talk on cell phones in the restaurant because they can’t wait until they see the person on the other end. They’re abrupt with employees and others because as they’re chatting pleasantly, the competition is kicking their civil posteriors. Rudeness in conversation can be explained as getting to your point without engaging in a lot of time-consuming politesse and diplomacy.
This then is my solution to the “rudeness epidemic”: Take more time when engaging in civil discourse or conflict resolution. Next time you encounter someone, take a few minutes to introduce yourself, explain your goals and needs, inquire as to the other person’s goals and needs, find common ground, then take deliberate and quiet action. And if that doesn’t work, take their cell phone and slam it down their throat. Rudeness epidemic, my ass.