Broke Back Mountin’: Restoring That Old Chair the Red Green Way
“If the women don’t find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.”
The immortal words of Canadian TV icon Red Green (actor/writer Steve Smith) echoed through my head as I stood aghast over my favorite chair. I’d just sat down in it to read like I do every day when the entire support fabric ripped and caused the cushion to fall through. As luck would have it, my wife was sitting right there when it happened. “That old thing- let’s just get rid of it” she said or something like that. Was it the truth- or a challenge to my manhood? At first, I agreed. But stupidly, I instantly squandered the perfect opportunity to buy a beautiful, new recliner by replying with those six dreaded words: “No, wait. I can fix it.”
I went to the workshop and gathered a retractable strap I use to hold the swamp cooler cover on during the winter. That was not adjustable enough to tighten sufficiently. Then Red Green spoke to me again: “if it ain’t broke, you’re not trying hard enough.” He was right. The answer was the same one Red had to every do-it-yourself sketch in the show’s history from 1991 to 2006: duct tape.
I quickly got my current roll (every real man has at least two in the house) and started rolling. About five minutes later, the job was done, complete with new velcro applied to reconnect the head rest. I’m not sure if my wife was impressed but I was. More than just proving it could be done or being cheap or whatever, I felt good because I didn’t throw the chair out. Besides the backing, the chair’s in perfectly fine shape and now it’s better than ever. It will probably last another ten years. One less blotch on the environment too.
Thanks, Red for the advice and all the great years on TV in both the U.S. and Canada. And, yes- I will keep my stick on the ice.